Saturday, 12 July 2008
Monday, 30 June 2008
Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
Mom is currently staying with me and I told her a second ago:
'I think we have a mouse in the kitchen - what do I do?'
She said: 'Name it'.
It is the same mom who wrote on my very, very dirty car: 'This is not dust - it is make-up'.
I couldn't have chosen a better family...
'I think we have a mouse in the kitchen - what do I do?'
She said: 'Name it'.
It is the same mom who wrote on my very, very dirty car: 'This is not dust - it is make-up'.
I couldn't have chosen a better family...
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Noches estroboscópicas
Y claro que se siente bien estar dentro cuando el cielo está lloviendo, con el corazón lleno de cafeína y la frente de besos. Justo a la derecha están mi trench amarillo y mis zapatos de salir, agotados por un par de noches en las que soy yo pero no soy yo.
Después de tantos días de llegar y no querer mas que cerrar los ojos, por fin los empiezo a abrir. Fue justo debajo de los reflectores que me di cuenta de cómo tenemos a veces la oportunidad de ser alguien más y la tomamos, pero basta un instante de luz para saber qué se siente bien y qué será mejor rebobinar. Piensa, piensa, piensa, ¿qué te hace tan especial?
Si me toca decir, quisiera ser Miterrand para haber escrito en mis memorias que tengo la debilidad de creer en la singularidad de cada ser humano. Eso toma mucho corazón.
También soy específica y exclusiva... no quiero pensar lo que los demás, por eso no hago lo que los demás. ¿Todos leen Murakami? Pues H.G. Wells. ¿Van Gogh? De Kooning.
Y luego llegan las noches estroboscópicas, en las que me pongo bonita y quiero, aunque sea por unas horas, dejar de pensar, dejar de querer para siempre, hablar del clima, de Murakami y de Van Gogh.
Estoy exhausta. Y un poquito feliz. Quizá más lo primero que lo segundo, y viceversa.
Después de tantos días de llegar y no querer mas que cerrar los ojos, por fin los empiezo a abrir. Fue justo debajo de los reflectores que me di cuenta de cómo tenemos a veces la oportunidad de ser alguien más y la tomamos, pero basta un instante de luz para saber qué se siente bien y qué será mejor rebobinar. Piensa, piensa, piensa, ¿qué te hace tan especial?
Si me toca decir, quisiera ser Miterrand para haber escrito en mis memorias que tengo la debilidad de creer en la singularidad de cada ser humano. Eso toma mucho corazón.
También soy específica y exclusiva... no quiero pensar lo que los demás, por eso no hago lo que los demás. ¿Todos leen Murakami? Pues H.G. Wells. ¿Van Gogh? De Kooning.
Y luego llegan las noches estroboscópicas, en las que me pongo bonita y quiero, aunque sea por unas horas, dejar de pensar, dejar de querer para siempre, hablar del clima, de Murakami y de Van Gogh.
Estoy exhausta. Y un poquito feliz. Quizá más lo primero que lo segundo, y viceversa.
Where the colours come from
From one day to the next, I stopped taking pictures, talking to photographers, over-dosing on art, writing my blog... and didn't know why. This life in black and white feels very rough on the skin; I thought it was gonna be numb and blurry, but giving up on illusions feels like silence - it is the aftermath of a small earthquake in your core.
To make a short story long... (yes, it should be short, but...) I started with photography right after DA BREAK-UP, when I had a lot of time for myself, very few friends, and a new camera in my pocket. So everything out of it was pure joy and became the best of me. The last months were all about 'Magenta 80', my project, my idea, my dearest thought. Yet one day a girl I cared about said the pix I took of her were 'useless', quoting her-friend-the-artist. Didn't seem that rough from the outside and I thought I moved on, but when I realised I had nothing new to show and that I left the contact pages of my project undone, it hit me - something got into my heart and took the dreams away.
Now it has been a month and I needed two airplane tickets, one view of Monterrey from a mountain (at night), twenty martinis, and an evening at a photo exhibit to get back on track. It took talking to Al as well, which is like a rainbow in an empty beer can.
Whoever reads this, do not ever let anyone take your dreams away, do not stop believing, do not forget what makes you smile, do not think you are alone, do take time out and embrace that you are unique. There is where the colours actually come from.
To make a short story long... (yes, it should be short, but...) I started with photography right after DA BREAK-UP, when I had a lot of time for myself, very few friends, and a new camera in my pocket. So everything out of it was pure joy and became the best of me. The last months were all about 'Magenta 80', my project, my idea, my dearest thought. Yet one day a girl I cared about said the pix I took of her were 'useless', quoting her-friend-the-artist. Didn't seem that rough from the outside and I thought I moved on, but when I realised I had nothing new to show and that I left the contact pages of my project undone, it hit me - something got into my heart and took the dreams away.
Now it has been a month and I needed two airplane tickets, one view of Monterrey from a mountain (at night), twenty martinis, and an evening at a photo exhibit to get back on track. It took talking to Al as well, which is like a rainbow in an empty beer can.
Whoever reads this, do not ever let anyone take your dreams away, do not stop believing, do not forget what makes you smile, do not think you are alone, do take time out and embrace that you are unique. There is where the colours actually come from.
People I am currently in love with
- Ewan McGregor
- Joshua Bell
- Angelina Jolie
- Rufus Wainwright
- My friend JB
- 'Sickboy' from Trainspotting
- Uma Thurman
- Have I mentioned Joshua Bell?
Saturday, 7 June 2008
Thursday, 29 May 2008
Boolean me
A boolean variable can only have two values - yes/no, 1/0, true/false. I was thinking how boolean can we be when we're not dreaming, seeing things, meeting new people, listening to the world outside our world.
Mr Shima says he doesn't trust people without hobbies because passions are what keeps us alive. There should always be something. Fifteen-minutes-a-day of dreaming to find a new variable.... and then smile.
Mr Shima says he doesn't trust people without hobbies because passions are what keeps us alive. There should always be something. Fifteen-minutes-a-day of dreaming to find a new variable.... and then smile.
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
Alpha Male
I don't ask for much, I just ask for a Catholic guy of Lebanese background who has travelled more than me and has an opinion on most things.
We were playing yesterday on the road the 'what would be your dreamy match' and we girls could take anything: soccer fans, beer-addicts, unrefined individuals, and with some reserves, even mamma's boys. But guys were looking for slim, non-jealous, sweet, detached, independent girls. Not A, B, or C, but 'all of the above'.
I was thinking about the evolutionary theories and how the traits the alpha male was looking for in the lucky primate (or the primate who'd get lucky) were more physical and preservationary - now our alpha males look for a hot girl to brag about who can also fulfill their out-of-friends time (without asking for 'us' time).
So while McLebanese comes along, I plan to become an alpha female. Without reserves.
We were playing yesterday on the road the 'what would be your dreamy match' and we girls could take anything: soccer fans, beer-addicts, unrefined individuals, and with some reserves, even mamma's boys. But guys were looking for slim, non-jealous, sweet, detached, independent girls. Not A, B, or C, but 'all of the above'.
I was thinking about the evolutionary theories and how the traits the alpha male was looking for in the lucky primate (or the primate who'd get lucky) were more physical and preservationary - now our alpha males look for a hot girl to brag about who can also fulfill their out-of-friends time (without asking for 'us' time).
So while McLebanese comes along, I plan to become an alpha female. Without reserves.
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
Todos los abrazos que te quiero dar
Mr Shima, no hay manera de que lo sepas, pero lo siento mucho, lo siento hoy, lo siento por ti y por los que lo querían, lo siento por no saber decir lo siento con la intensidad que me gustaría darle a tu corazón.
Y a fin de cuentas, reencarnación aparte, una vez es la que es, lo que importa son los que nos quedamos, y tú te quedas. Quisiera hacerte llorar o gritar o que dejes de ser el luminoso tú para que lo amargo se vaya de una vez y se quede él contigo como un recuerdo de atardeceres y de tú sabrás qué más.
¿Qué más puedo decirte? Pues inconstante y fuera de foco, pero aquí estoy. Y Borges vino también.
Y a fin de cuentas, reencarnación aparte, una vez es la que es, lo que importa son los que nos quedamos, y tú te quedas. Quisiera hacerte llorar o gritar o que dejes de ser el luminoso tú para que lo amargo se vaya de una vez y se quede él contigo como un recuerdo de atardeceres y de tú sabrás qué más.
¿Qué más puedo decirte? Pues inconstante y fuera de foco, pero aquí estoy. Y Borges vino también.
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