Boys don't cry

Have realised recently that when I ride my bike, I start from the wrong side. Also, when I weigh ingredients, I reset the scale for each item instead of adding them. And I have a very cumbersome way to button my bra.

When you look confident, people gives for granted that you know it all - or at least that you are arrogant enough to find out. How simple would life be, how many minutes would be spared, if there was a manual for living. But no real guides to the galaxy. This makes me think that there are many ways to learn and one of them requires to lower your guard and be humble. Although the traditional definition is regarded as 'stop being arrogant', I think that being humble requires not to be afraid of people - look into the eyes, dare to smile, and understand that there will always be something in each person to take, and heaps to give. So I trust that in the future, if someone ever sees me doing a very, very stupid thing, he/she can understand that I have been afraid for too long, and that yes, I would love to land on the practical life one of these days.

Talking about openness, ran into this today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

The video above relates to the 'Free Hug Campaign'. A hippish Aussie decided to offer free hugs on the street. You have to watch what happens. Cannot imagine it staged in Denmark though... 'Gratis kram'... umhhh... nej nej nej.

To break a bit the Kodak moment, I youtubed Mexico for this campaign. Great success, but no wonder, we do hug and kiss and hug again for everything. Yet it is funny to watch that men shake hands before hugging other men; macho comes first, then they are all allowed to be as sissy as they want. Quite a paradox my culture - hug and kiss people you barely know, but never, ever tell how do you really feel, specially if the answer diverts from 'great'. Still watching the hugs made me feel like crying, because I miss it so badly. And the problem is that I don't cry.

PS: This other campaign definitely kills the romance... : )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooHYh4sD75I

Self-destruct Button

How come that when you finally have reached your peace, and respect your body, and sex as a bed time story, and the expectations line up in the future clearer than ever, and you are going to Munich next weekend, you wake up feeling you are coming down with a cold? Funky feeling, I am not sick but I'm dizzy, and chewing leftovers for breakfast, and since yesterday taking painkillers with chocolate milk... or water... or beer. Despite I have never been THAT self-destructive (pretty much on the Scarlett O'Hara's side of life: Will think about it tomorrow), just for half a morning I'm allowing it. Painkillers for my heart that is broken and hurts. Does it work that way? Hope it doesn't because I'm running out of Tylenol.

Just... ouch.

A kind of disguise

If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to. If you want another kind of love, well, I'll wear a mask for you. If you want a partner take my hand. Or if you wanna strike me down in anger, here I stand. I'm your man.

-Leonard Cohen.

Last weekend I went to see a Cindy Sherman photographic retrospective. Cindy Sherman is an out-and-about American artist that has this unique characteristic: she is the subject and the object of all her works. So after a couple of hours wandering and wondering in front of this lady's glance (from a chamber-maid costume, a clown wig, and a 'La Dolce Vita' -kind of- film still), the spectator ends up seizing a unique lady with such a strong personality that is utterly her no matter what she's wearing. The composition is beautiful, the communication very strong yet slightly unilateral. There was her posing and taking the picture, so the creation began in her head and found all the way through the printed paper.

The big thought of the week was however the masks we wear each day. Some people is good at hiding, so they accommodate to life as comes. Good manners is all about putting others at ease, an advisor says. It is easy to think that one's personality prevails over anything we want to hide, but I'm not that sure about it. There are people I meet that are so hard to guess that I end up giving up. Of course there are 'one-layered' individuals that do not require much effort, but I mean that barriers are there in the form of shyness of even good manners. What are we afraid of? Boundaries do not only keep people out - they set you in.

Going back to Cindy Sherman, the series that I liked the most was 'Pink Robes' (as her critics call it - she only numbers her photos). The pictures depict this lady in a robe, looking as if waking up. The intimacy and vulnerability that those items transmit is explained by the curator as 'naturligheden er en slags forklædning', 'naturalness is a kind of disguise'. Aren't we supposed to be at ease, at our best, when we do not pretend to be? Being 'natural' can also be overacted: I always brush my teeth before the morning coffee when I wake up with somebody, but not when I'm alone.

Post script: The picture on the left is a naked building. I loved its vulnerability and how happy it looks from the left angle whilst the right one has been teared off. Cheap allegory of any drama you can think of.

Sentimental Valiums

The true nature of love. Have you noticed that infatuation has the same effects of having a heart attack?

Cannot remember where I read it, but if I make a summary of the bits of pop junk I gladly saw this week (Shakespeare in Love, Grey's Anatomy, The O.C., Sex and the City and CNN), can conclude that human drama is repetition and repetition and repetition...

I remember that after the first snow this year, my boss got in the office saying: 'Amazing that the traffic was such a chaos. Like it had never snowed before!'

Whenever I fall in love, I feel nobody in the world might understand the feeling. Everything is new and bright, or dark and miserable, depending on the difficulty level. But why don't we humans ever give up? We fall and stand up, and fall again, and make the same mistakes, no matter how many times we see it in the movies. And by the way, I realised I don't fancy movies with happy endings - after 'The Secret Life of Words', I get really upset when the guy gets the girl.

I'd love to find the formula to go through life feeling numb, so I don't feel everything with the same passion. Shrink, new friends, remote friends, this guy I like, art, philosophy, La Chanson Francaise, work, future expectations, troubled mom, troubled best friend, gym, sushi nights, people in town, people out of town, treadmill challenge, book that I'm reading, travels to come... cannot mantain mystique while facing forward.

I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.